This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Jason 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
February 27, 2019 at 7:55 am #189073
Just a volunteer
Not enough time is spent speaking to the issue of adult-to-adult bullying. We laugh about the issue in movies but adult bullying is a real issue and it happens right here in Scouting.
I am the victim of bullying. Not many parents will admit it, but we take the abuse of that former high school ‘mean girl’, now grown up and more manipulative than ever. We all know that in volunteer organizations such as Scouting, when parents bully other parents, the program fails. I’ve noticed the silent treatment from other parents in the group, the cold brush offs and other divisive behaviors since my bully took on her campaign to spread mistrust and give herself the air of righteousness. Creating tension, the continual criticism, hostility in person and email abuse from my bully has made me very wary of further participation in any event. In my case, a simple miscommunication over who is and when we are driving to a summer camp in July 2019 has turned into a personal nightmare. Like many, my bully prefers hit-and-run email cyber bullying and my Committee Chairman was copied on the latest of many emails (excerpts below). My Committee Chair did nothing – except as me to take on a second Committee position because I’m “great” at my position. I was stunned when my fellow Committee member sent these comments to me:
“be respectful to me” and “do not continue to drag people into this by double checking what I say such as deposits being non-refundable, ferry procedures, amounts troop has paid to Emerald Bay etc.”
“refrain from calling Emerald Bay and asking about our accounts” and “refrain from going behind my back while at camp- about procedures, tasks etc. I don’t want it to appear we have issues while at camp.”
“You spent more words on telling me you were working rather than answering my question with a yes. Pointless comments.”
At the end of the two-page email worthy of Cease and Desist letter, my bully said, “I will not be responding to any rebuttals. I am weary and would like to put these two weeks behind me.”
Now meetings are full of stress and discouragement that usually accompany repeated hostility. A team built on mistrust, untruths and unresolved conflict is doomed to fail. To everyone being bullied – YOU ARE NOT ALONE! To all the Committee members and Committee Chairs out there, I beg you not to sit back and hope your team works well together. Build your team with the trust, information and honesty which all volunteers deserve. Take a minute at your next Committee meeting to ensure Scouting a positive experience for everyone involved.
March 9, 2019 at 9:35 pm #190980
90% of the problems I’ve ever experienced in Scouting are with adults, not boys. In virtually every case where that “one person” annoys everyone around them and brings unnecessary drama, its usually that “one person” who is at “fault”. Is that one person, YOU?
Based on the snippets you shared above, IT APPEARS that you bring this on yourself.
WHY are YOU calling the scout camp, questioning camp policy, or checking on how much money was sent? Do you have ANY reason to believe something scandalous is happening with Troop funds that you need to call & track money that has changed hands?
It doesn’t sound as if you are the Committee Chair, Scoutmaster, or Treasurer position, so I RESPECTFULLY suggest you let those “in charge”, be in charge. If YOUR position is not tasked with managing Summer Camp, then don’t inject yourself.
I’m not sure I can embrace the “adult bullying” concept as much as I will simply remind you that no one should make “Scouting” any harder than it needs to be. People who are hard to deal with get shunned. That’s not bullying, that’s basic human response.
May 1, 2019 at 9:26 am #198742
The Guru, I think they were saying the person was spreading misinformation about them. I know that has happened to me in scouting. I’ve seen this person run the CM out. We were new and believed her. Now that I think back on it, there were so many things that the CM did that was a great asset. I can’t help but believe she tricked us too. The guilt is heavy and the betrayal is hurtful but it’s even worse to see them do it again to someone else and know there is nothing you can do about it.
May 2, 2019 at 1:00 pm #199059
I have re-read your post several times, and I just don’t see the bullying you feel is happening. To be clear, if you feel you aren’t being respected or that your opinions and the way you believe things should go are not being followed, that isn’t bullying. I’ve seen adult bullying (do this, or something unpleasant is going to happen to you or your child) and it’s an ugly thing. I’ve also seen people who cried bully when they didn’t get their way. I’ve even had a child accuse his parents of bullying for punishing him because he didn’t do what he was supposed to do. Perhaps better examples would help us understand why you feel this is bullying.